On Conviction

I have to admit I have a begrudging admiration for the guy. On any given day he is out in the elements for hours at a time, determined to make a difference and to help his cause. Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with what he's fighting for, but how he goes about it is remarkable to me. I have to wonder about his thought process, how he thinks he is helping. I've never thought to myself, I'd like to change the world today, what can I do? I know, I'm going to go stand on a street corner in Columbia, SC by myself and wave frantically at the people passing by. Maybe I'm a pessimist but I hardly believe one person can change the world, without extraordinary circumstances. The odds are even slimmer when all you have is the epitome of a grass-roots effort. And yet, he's out there every day trying to do just that.

I've been wondering aimlessly through my life the last year. I planned to take a year off, get some direction and get moving with a definitive plan for the future. Turns out that's not as easy as it should be. Nothing and no one has struck me over the head showing me the path to enlightenment, or at least to becoming a real adult. But seeing the guy on the street corner one day it did hit me, really hit me that it doesn't matter what I do with my life as long as I feel it has some purpose. I don't intend to rush into some soul-sucking job because it offers me good money. I won't go further into school in something I hate, just to create the possibility of an easier life. I came to the rather simple (but for me, bold) conclusion that I won't force life goals or create artificial objectives. Yes, life is short but what the hell good is it if you don't enjoy it?

In poker I've become the same way. (this is theoretically a poker blog) So now I don't play unless I really want to. Before I was playing just to keep playing, not enjoying my game or playing well. That stopped, and now I only play if I really want to and have the time to commit. I'm playing better for it, even if my results have not shown it in the short run.

So screw complacency I am now open to all possibilities, I'm really looking at life as an adventure right now. I'm essentially without responsibilities or anything to tie me down, and I intend to take full advantage of that fact. I plan to fill my life with things I want to do and not concern myself with how far I've advanced in comparison to everyone else I know. Right now, getting my Masters is really and truly what I want to do, so I'm going to. After that who knows?

Driving by the guy this morning, I was again freaked out and a little repulsed, he is truly a scary looking dude. I switched lanes to avoid his little speech at the light, and I'm quite sure he'll never get me to see his point of view. The baby-carrier with a plastic baby strapped to him and the giant red sign just serve to make him appear that much more insane. You see he's an anti-abortion zealot, and while I'm certainly no fan of the practice, banning it is just not an option. So he has no effect on me, just as he has very little chance of changing the world's opinion from his stump in SC. But that doesn't matter, he has conviction, he thinks he is helping his cause and that is what's important to him. I honestly hope that in my life I feel half as passionately about what I do as he does every fucking day of his life, even if he is a complete and total nut.

Edit - Oh, and if for some reason I still have any readers left, I plan to post a lot more coming up. I don't see why you should be spared my moronic ideas on poker and life.